Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
