then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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