you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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