The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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