oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
