So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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