ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
