I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
