i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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