I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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