how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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