We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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