you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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