people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
