What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
