Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
