What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
