drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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