Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
