I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
