I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
