he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
