i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
