My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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