Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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