This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
