Just fell off a train. Bad.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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