I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
how drunk are you?
Several
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
