I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
