so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
