that's an acceptable place to lick
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
