He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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