How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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