My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
