SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
