Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
