dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you win again, gameday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
