she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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