My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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