is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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