you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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