Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
