you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
