that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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