so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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