Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
