the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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