Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
