i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've blown a few things in my day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
