You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
