You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
