im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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