As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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