Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
