Small penises have feelings too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
