guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
