How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
