So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
