Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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