he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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