Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
whose ass print is on the piano?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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