I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
