well you can't waste a boner
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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